Glass Half Empty

Usually I am a fairly positive person. Lately it seems, I am being followed by gloom and doom and I'm starting to wonder about the law of attraction and the role I might have in all of this negativity. This has been a shitty week-simply put. S.H.I.T.T. Y. It started on my ride tuesday when I got my first flat of the season and then almost got killed when I was flying down Sweet Road in my aero bars when a complete dumb ass who was driving towards me decides to completely cross the center line and drive straight towards me on the shoulder to retrieve her mail. It all happened very fast and honestly I don't think the douche bag (are you sensing the hostility/negativity??) ever saw me! I didn't even have a second to look over my shoulder i just swerved way out into the lane and luckily (see there is something positive in every situation!) there were no cars coming up on me. So really I should just be grateful that it all turned out ok but I am still festering inside and since I know where this lady lives I have considered (not really) knocking on her door and introducing myself as the mother of three that she almost killed on Tuesday. sigh...

So Wednesday came and I was looking forward to my first open water swim in Caz Lake w/Kristen. It is my favorite swimming hole and we haven't been able to swim there because they were treating the water w/some nasty chemical to try and kill the weeds. From the get go negative thoughts were creeping in. I felt like I was wheezing everytime I took a breath. We were swimming hard but honestly we were not pushing the envelope. At our turn around point (about 32 minutes into the swim) we stopped for a moment to fix our goggles. Immediately I felt a surge of panic and I seriously almost reached back and unzipped my wetsuit which I felt was completely strangling me and cutting off my air supply. This never happens to me in the water. I talked myself out of a panic attack and didn't say anything to KRoe. We continued swimming and the negative thoughts were there and I kept telling myself to keep swimming. I knew I would feel worse if i stopped. And then I did. Kristen stopped and asked if I was ok. I said, "no i'm freaking out". She was awesome and talked me down before I sprinted the 2-300 yards to shore. I don't know what has gotten into me. I feel like i'm losing my shit. I've always felt strong and confident and most importantly I love open water swimming. So I gotta get a grip. Had a great talk w/coach Mary. Feeling better about the swim anxiety and have a strategy for next time.

And so to top off a sucky week I am sick again. I thought I was starting w/allergies yesterday and now i have a full blown sore throat, cold, stuffy head...AGAIN! So I'm forcing myself to rest today even though i'm in that last month panic stage before Lake Placid and feel as though i should be spending every second training. I'm getting myself a cup of tea and I'm going to think only positive thoughts!!